as imagined by PoliticsK-12 at Edweek:

Dear (Insert Loser State Name Here),

Thank you very much for your interest in Race to the Top. We regret to inform you that you did not clear the very, very high bar that Arne Duncan has set, or fall within a ‘natural break’ in the list of scored applications. You are not a Round One finalist.

Despite the pockets of excellence that are buried somewhere in the 1,000-plus pages of your application, we are not interested in supporting your version of the status quo at this time.

We encourage you to try again. Do not be discouraged at having to submit another 1,000-page application, or having to get all of your LEAs to re-up on those memoranda of understanding, or having to convince your state legislature to create charter schools even though your state is as rural as rural gets. After all, our children cannot wait!

Enclosed, please find helpful comments from our secret panel of peer reviewers, such as: “Define what you mean by ‘partner,’ ‘incent,’ and ‘leverage.'” And one other word of caution: Please try not to steal shamelessly from the winning applications. We will run the applications through Plagiarism.org.

Sincerely,
The Education Department

P.S. We have the Common Core standards. Please don’t put them in the appendix.